Leather Storrs: The Church of Inner Toast

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Leather Storrs, GoLocalPDX Contributor

To time stamp intellectual property back in the olden days, people would send themselves their concept in a sealed envelope that remained unopened until needed. It wasn’t quite a patent, but it helped establish the origin and author of an idea. So I sent myself a letter, because I have a brilliant idea! But that was no fun. It was like a falling tree with no spectators and I want people to hear my idea. I’m opening the envelope, are you ready?!

INNER TOAST.

No, it’s not a spiritual movement and yes it requires a toaster.

One late night after lots of beers and bocce, my wife requested a toasted sandwich, “but not too toasted”. One that wouldn’t scrape the roof of her mouth (seriously folks). I could not be trusted to monitor the toasting process with crossed eyes and I wanted a sandwich too, so I doubled down: two slices in each hole. When the bread emerged, I dressed the toasted side and put the sandwiches together with the warm, fragrant, untoasted side out. Inner toast was born. A revelation that proves that sometimes you’ve got to be half-cocked to get out of the box.

In truth, I was closer to 2/3 cocked and would have forgotten my brilliance had I not left round two in the toaster overnight. So thank you fate and also Elon Musk. Because of Musk, who has generously offered to share Tesla’s electric car technology for the good of all, I now realize my responsibility. Profoundly simple and beneficial on so many levels, Inner Toast must be shared. But if you start the restaurant, I’m coming after you.

This is not just about a subtle toast, happy gums and double production. Toasted bread doesn’t tear with a thick spread like Nutella, pimento cheese or cold butter. Also, by drying out the inside of the sandwich, wet spreads like mayo, ranch dressing, jelly or sriracha don’t seep through the bread. Lastly, the warm, squishy untoasted side is a pleasure to smell, eat and feel. It’s as though you were biting into oven fresh bread.

Master Sauce:

I.T. Bread Spread- 3 Tablespoons mayonnaise + 1 Tablespoon Dijon mustard + 2 teaspoon Sriracha

Fillings:

Nutella & Banana/Fluff (or jelly) & Peanut butter

Sliced turkey, Romaine, Bacon & Ranch- Toss ribbons of romaine, sliced red onion, chopped bacon & ranch dressing. Apply bread spread to both sides and sandwich ranch salad between slices of turkey.

Scrambled egg, sharp cheddar & chive- scramble eggs quickly, adding the chives and cheese at the last second. Spread toast with butter on one side and bread spread on the other.

Pork loin, pear, arugula & goat cheese- thin slices of pear and pork layered with arugula, bread spread on one side and goat cheese on the other.

Advanced options:

The press down- Many of these sandwiches benefit from a gentle but firm pressure after assembly. However, squished soft bread is the opportunity cost of stabilized filling.

The D.T.- “the double toast” A few permutations of I.T. can be filled, pressed and returned to the toaster for a panini effect. Obvious pitfalls include tearing the sandwich during extraction, drippage of molten filling and excessive crunch factor. I am further obligated by law to inform you that toaster manufacturers strongly discourage this practice and will void warranties on toasters that bear the tell-tale signs of double toasting.

Inner toast, clearly an example of the whole being greater than the sum of its parts, may be a spiritual movement after all. Press down the lever and step off the edge. Find your own Inner Toast.

Leather Storrs is an Oregon native who has served 20 years in professional kitchens. He owns a piece of two area restaurants: Noble Rot and Nobleoni at Oregon College of Art and Craft, where he yells and waves arms. He quietly admits to having been a newspaper critic in Austin, Texas and Portland.