Didi’s Manners & Etiquette: Rainbow Facebook Profile + Ghosting + Funerals

Thursday, July 09, 2015

Didi Lorillard, GoLocalPDX Manners & Etiquette Expert

The etiquette of the rainbow profile, ghosting, and planning a Dutch Treat luncheon following a funeral were hot topics this week.

Political correctness of Rainbow profiles

When is the politically correct time to revert from Rainbow profile to traditional profile in Facebook? Is one's commitment to the cause directly proportional to the staying power of the profile?

~K.A., Providence

The Rainbow profile was an easy way to show one's support of a special event -- the Supreme Court decision -- and your LGBT friends, but after a short period of time (24 hours to a week), it's perfectly acceptable to revert to one's regular profile. That will free you up to celebrate other events (the USA Women's Soccer Team winning the World Cup, a local election, a fundraiser...). If you want to use your Facebook profile to proclaim your strong position on a single issue, then perhaps you should keep the rainbow flag profile up permanently, but most people are not singularly focused on a specific issue.

~Didi

Ghosting

My girlfriend won't answer my calls or return my texts or emails. I want to find out why she is ghosting me, but she won't communicate. I had plans all set up to go away with her for the Fourth weekend, but I couldn't get hold of her. I drove by her house several times and her car was gone and her lights were out. She obviously knows I'm trying to reach her. What should I do?

~B.L., Mumford, RI.

Get a grip. You've been ghosted. She is ghosting on you. Accept the fact that your girlfriend is now your former girlfriend. She has either discovered that you've done some egregious deed or she's simply found a love mate in somebody else. As the ghostee you need to take the hint and leave her alone. She is no longer interested and is cutting all ties. Let it be.

~Didi

Asking people to a dutch treat funeral luncheon

What is the funeral reception etiquette for asking people to pay for their lunch at the luncheon? We cannot afford to feed anyone other than ourselves after a graveside memorial service. A family member suggested we should organize a luncheon at a beloved restaurant after the service and let everyone know in advance that they are welcome to join us, but they would have to pay for their own meal. How do we put that in the invitation/announcement?

My mother-in-law stipulated that she did not want a formal funeral reception. We thought of having a potluck luncheon in our home, but the list of people wanting to attend the funeral is growing and our home is small. We struggle to make ends meet monthly. The idea of asking people to buy their own meal is fine and the restaurant holds many memories for my husband, as it did for his mom. I can’t think of a kind way of saying, “Buy your own meal, if you want to join us in the invitation.” Should it be done?

~Janet, Minnesota

It's OK to suggest that people pay their own way. What you want them to understand is that instead of sending flowers they join you and your family for a Dutch Treat luncheon at your family's favorite restaurant after the graveside memorial service. Say that she didn't want a fancy funeral and would rather have her family and friends mourn her death happily in her family restaurant.

The invitation, centered on a card or email and substituting your own information, could go something like this:

The family of Alice May Brown cordially invites you to mourn her death cheerfully at a dutch treat luncheon in her honor at her favorite family restaurant, by paying for your own lunch instead of sending flowers.

Immediately following the 11:00pm graveside memorial service at St. Mary's Church, we hope you can meet us on Thursday, July 18th at the Blue Heron Restaurant, 228 Valley Road, Minneapolis. MI.

RSVP to [email protected] or 431-456-6711.

Please let us know if you are planning to attend the luncheon so we can reserve enough tables.

I hope you like the tone of this invitation because it is meant to sound as though this is how your mother-in-law would have wanted to be mourned. What you say to friends is that in lieu of flowers, you would rather they attended a dutch treat lunch in her honor. Ahead of time, get an cost estimate from the restaurant as to how much the average lunch costs, in case someone asks, you'll want to know the answer.

~Didi

Do you have a dilemma about love, family and life in general for Didi? Go ahead and "Ask Didi." If your Question is used, we can withhold your name and/or location.