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Didi’s Manners & Etiquette: Relationship Dilemmas

Thursday, May 21, 2015


Hot to regulate e-cigarette usage

How do we regulate e-cigarette usage in our home and restaurant? Because they are not illegal, friends feel they can vap up in our home. Customers in our restaurant vap at the bar. We’re not a vapor lounge. We don’t have the authority to tell them no vapping. We say, “Please, go outside, with that” and they do. But then passersby see a group of  people, including kids, outside our restaurant smoking e-cigarettes! It’s bad for business. We’re a family restaurant.

~Restaurateur, Providence, RI

In 2009, the Food and Drug Administration was empowered to regulate all nicotine products, including e-cigarette usage. There has been no change since then. Last week the federal government divulged the fact that youth e-cigarette usage tripled in the past year, outpacing traditional cigarette usage. That's hardly surprising.

Most of us know that all new tobacco users are children, so it is also no surprise that tobacco companies’ marketing tactics target children with 7,000 fruit- and candy-flavored e-cigarette products. All of which should be banned for sale online. Studies show that those who are not addicted to nicotine as children, don’t smoke as adults.

If Los Angeles and Santa Monica, among other cities and towns, can ban e-cigarette usage, so can Providence. Cozy up to your city council members, even if you have to wine them and dine at your restaurant. Pushing for rules on the books locally is your best solution. Tell your city council members this:

E-cigarettes utilize a propylene glycol or vegetable glycerin based liquid mixed with nicotine and artificial food coloring and flavoring -- all of which are damaging to the lungs. The e-cigarette is merely an insidious device to hook children onto nicotine.

For the time being, find ‘NO SMOKING cigarettes of any kind’ signs and display them tastefully inside and out. 


What to do about a fiancé with cold feet

My fiancé has pre-wedding jitters. What do I do about a fiancé with cold feet? We’re supposed to be getting married next month. I love him more than anyone in the whole entire world, but his doubting is stressing me out. My heart will be broken if he breaks off our engagement. Should we postpone our wedding? I really don’t want to call it off. I love him with my whole heart. 

~C.C., Brooklyn, NY

Most major decisions prompt their quota of nervous hesitation, but research shows that it is the subject and source of those doubts that matter and not just the presence of, say, jitters — or a fiancé with cold feet. It’s like any huge decision, it needs to be thought out.

What might be helpful to remember is that studies show that most divorced couples didn’t have doubts about getting married.

We all have high expectations of living happily ever after with a true partner.

At this point in time, aside from talking to a therapist, writing down his doubts about his decision to marry you — instead of only talking to you about his fear and trepidation — could help him develop more confidence in his ability to make such a huge decision.

Doubts don’t usually evaporate, but they can become suppressed and rise to the surface later in life. Writing about his doubts and sharing them with you could help your fiancé understand the identity change that he is going through in becoming your husband.

Pre-wedding cold feet can come from understanding that he is going to have to adapt to the changes in his life that marriage will bring about — with your help.

Try yoga to distress.

I recommend taking the quiz 36 Ways to Know Your Lover. If your fiancé makes it through those 36 questions and still wants to be your life partner, he deserves you.

Go to the NewportManners Home page and click-on How Tos to find How To Really Know Your Lover. 


What to do when a blind date went badly

When the first date goes badly what do you do?

I was set up for a same-sex date with a friend of a friend, because he frequently does business in my city. We made a plan to meet after work at his posh hotel. He texted to tell me that my key to his room was at the front desk and to make myself comfortable, order drinks from room service, take a bath and turn on the TV.

I responded that I would meet him in his hotel lobby. He texted that he hoped he would find me relaxing in his bed. Back to him, I said that I was waiting at a table in the hotel lobby bar. We had a couple of drinks and cocktail appetizers while chatting amicably before I left to go home.

What are the expectations for a blind date? We both have high-level corporate jobs. We’re not kids. We’ve both been in a serious relationship at one time or another. It was uncivilized of him to think I would take off my suit, tie, and socks before meeting him and shaking hands.

Our mutual friend is pumping me for information about our blind date. He said that his friend really liked me and hoped to see me again. I do like him. However, it was a bad first date. How do I handle it from my end?  

~G.W., Chicago, IL

The ball is in your court because you went home instead of going to his room on your first date. Your new friend was not wasting any time getting to the point. He knows he overplayed his hand on your blind date and it sounds as though he is up for round two.

Next time, set your boundaries ahead of time. Don’t meet at his hotel. Be civilized, make a dinner reservation at a smart restaurant with a table for two.

Gay or straight, it is disrespectful to assume sex on the first date — especially a blind first date. If a blind date asked me to wait for him in his hotel room and suggested that I bathe and order a drink before he arrived, I would be humiliated.

You’ve won the respect of your suitor, because you took control in the end. 


What to say about NOT getting a present

How do I politely remind one of the moms in my son's class that her son came to my son's sixth birthday party and didn't bring a present? My son took a nice birthday present to his party and keeps asking why he didn't get a gift from his friend?

~D.C., Barrington, RI

You don't. Birthday parties are not about the presents and who brought what. If the guest wishes to bring one and can afford to purchase one or has the time to make one, he does. Understandably, your son is disappointed. Have a talk with him about how giving a gift is an option.

If a friend doesn't bring a present, It doesn't mean that child doesn't like him -- or they wouldn't have attended. Mention that there could be several valid reasons why the child didn't bring your son a birthday gift. The parent may have forgotten or simply didn't have time to buy a present and wrap it. There could have been a miscommunication between the parent and the caregiver who thought she was taking him to a playdate and not a birthday party.

Possibly there was no money to purchase a present and the parent didn't want to disappoint their child by not letting him attend your son's party because she couldn't afford to buy a gift. You and your son may never know the reason. It is important for your child to focus on the friendship and not the gift. 


Do you have a dilemma about love, family and life in general for Didi? Go ahead and "Ask Didi."  If your Question is used, we can withhold your name and/or location.


Related Slideshow: 15 Fun Things To Do At This Year’s Rose Festival

With the Portland Rose Festival just around the corner you can expect that there will be plenty to see and do. Here are GoLocalPDX's top 15 things to do.

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A Walk On The Wild Side

This live animal exhibit will bring in a diverse array of exotic mammals, birds, reptiles, and spiders to this year's festival. If you're an animal lover this exhibit is for you. Money raised from this exhibit will also help fund an animal rescue program.

Tom McCall Waterfront Park, 1020 Naito Parkway., May 22nd-25th, May 28th-May 31st and June 3rd - 7th. Tickets $7.

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The Big Sling

This human catapult launches riders nearly 25 stories high with over 3 Gs of gravitational force. This is the highest flying ride in the Pacific Northwest. If you're looking for a thrill, go no further.

Tom McCall Waterfront Park, 1020 Naito Parkway., May 22nd-25th, May 28th-May 31st and June 3rd-7th. Tickets $7.

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Opening Night Fireworks

A grand firework show will be held over the Willamette River in order to officially kick off the Rose Festival. The fireworks will be choregraphed to music that will be provided by 101.9 KINK FM. This will be one of Oregon's largest firework displays of the year, so don't miss out!

Tom McCall Waterfront Park, 1020 Naito Parkway., 9:45pm Fri. May 22nd. Included with regular admission.

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Rock Of The Eighties

Three iconic bands from the 80s will be performing at this year's Rose Festival. Rock Of The Eighties will feature performances by Berlin, The Smihtereens and The Tubes. These three bands represent over 25 million sold records and 25 hit songs.

Tom McCall Waterfront Park, 1020 Naito Parkway., 7:30pm-11pm Fri. May 29th. Tickets in advance $25, the day of $30.

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Starlight After-Party

This first-ever after-party will take place in the Rose Festival RoZone on the Beaverton Honda stage. It will feature Sir Mix-A-Lot, plus special guests Crazy 8s and Nu Shooz. All those who attend should be ready to dance the night away.

Downtown Portland., 8:30pm-11pm Sat. May 30th. This is a free event for the public.

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Starlight Parade

One of the Rose Festivals most popular events will be returning this year. The Starlight parade will feature marching bands and illuminated floats. There are currently around 100 entries that will travel along this 2.25 mile route. If you want to be a part of one of the Rose Festival's most well-known traditions, then go no further.

Begins at NW Burnside and 9th AVE and ends at Lincoln High School., 8:30pm-11pm Sat. May 30th. This is a free event for the public.

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This year the Portland Rose Festival will be teaming up with 98.7 The Bull to celebrate CountryFest. This concert series will include performances by Big & Rich and Thompson Square. 

Tom McCall Waterfront Park, 1020 Naito Parkway., 4:30pm Sun. May 31st. Tickets in advance $32, the day of $35.

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Fleet Week

Guests will have the opportunity to visit and tour vessels from the United States Navy, U.S. Coast Guard and the Canadian Maritime Forces. The Portland Rose Festival is extremely lucky to be one of the few U.S. Ports of Call that will have this unique opportunity. Thanks to the committment from the Navy, the Rose Festival's Fleet Week will remain one of the premier Fleet Weeks in the country.

Tom McCall Waterfront Park, 1020 Naito Parkway-North End., 9:30am-3:30pm on June 3rd-7th. This event is free for the public.

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Queen's Coronation

One of the most prestigious events at the Rose Festival has always been the Queen's Coronation. At this event the Queen will be crowned based on leadership and scholastic achievement, school activities, civic involvement, volunteer projects, communication skills, and overall impression. The Queen will then represent Portland for the next year at various events throughout the country. 

Memorial Coliseum, 300 N Winning Way, Portland., 8:30am-9:30am Sat. June 6th. Tickets $30.

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Grand Floral Parade

This traditional parade will include colorful floats, marching bands, dancers, equestrian groups and more! This event has been a proud annual tradition of the Rose Festival for 100 years.

Memorial Coliseum to Downtown Portland., 10am-2pm Sat. June 6th. Tickets $15-$30.

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Dragon Boat Race

The Portland Rose Festival Dragon Boat Race will once again be held this year along the Willamette River. This race will feature over 80 teams —local, national and international. The boats have been provided by the Portland-Kaohsiung Sister City Association.

Tom McCall Waterfront Park, 1020 Naito Parkway-South End., 8am-4pm Sat and Sun. June 6th-7th. This is a free event for the public. 

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KINK On The Waterfront

This year KINK On The Waterfront will feature, Walk Off The Earth. Their 5-people-playing-one-guitar interpretation of Gotye’s “Somebody That I Used To Know” has garnered plenty of attention over the past few years on Youtube. The Rose Festival will be lucky to have them perform!

Tom McCall Waterfront Park, 1020 Naito Parkway., 5:30pm-11pm Sat. June 6th. Tickets in advance $25, the day of $30.

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Grand Floral Walk

If you're looking for a workout in the middle of all the festivities the Grand Floral Walk is just for you. This 4.2 mile will take place along the Grand Floral Parade route. Gather your friends, neighbors and co-workers and attend this event together.

Memorial Coliseum to Downtown Portland., 9:30am-11am Sat. June 6th. Tickets per adult $20, per child $10. 

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Grand Floral Showcase

Be sure to check out the Grand Floral Float Showcase that takes place along SW Naito Parkway. This is a great opportunity to see some of these floats up close. 

Tom McCall Waterfront Park, 1020 Naito Parkway., 3pm-10pm Sat. June 6th. 11am-4pm Sun. June 7th.

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Rose Cup Races

The Rose Festival's Rose Cup Races will once again be taking place at the Portland International Speedway. This annual race is the oldest road-racing events West of the Mississippi River. They also just celebrated 50 years of racing back in 2010. 

Portland International Speedway., 8am-6pm Fri-Sun. June 12th-14th. Tickets in advance $20, the day of $25.


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