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Didi’s Manners & Etiquette: STD Sharing Information

Wednesday, May 11, 2016


With spring in the air there's a lot more handholding and etiquette questions about safe sex to Didi Lorillard at Didi's Manners this week.

Q.  The toughest part of flying solo and dating after a decade of being married is the etiquette of how to find out sooner rather than later that the person you're romancing on Tinder is STD-free. I've already had one STD, before I met my ex-husband, and that was wicked enough for a lifetime. Don't want to go there again. How do I bring up the subject?  G.W., Providence

A.  In a perfect world, dating sites and app profiles would provide a person's STD-free status. However, sites like Tinder and Grindr, to all appearances, aren't advocating safety and good health, although they could easily take the itch out of the hairy question of STDs. They're too hungry for ad revenues and don't care about slashing the spread of STDs. What a missed opportunity.

When taking into account that 9 billion matches alone have been made by Tinder to date, its a no-brainer that Tinder should encourage members to come out about whatever sexually-transmitted diseases they are harboring. One dating site alone reports 26 million matches per day. 

  • According to the Centers for Disease Control, 20 million new cases of STDs are diagnosed annually in the US, affecting 50% of the young adult population between the ages of 15-24. Chances are, G.W., you were once included in that statistic. 
  • Obviously, we're losing the war on stopping the epidemic of sexually-transmitted diseases with 1.2 million people when 50% or more of new Gonorrhea and Chlamydia diagnosis occur in 20-29 year-olds.  
  • In addition, the CDC reports that syphilis is on the rise with 20,000 new cases in 2014, 91% of which were diagnosed in men. Ouch! And nobody is taking about this. 
  • Who knew that out of the 72% of gay men ages 18-39 who are currently using dating sites and apps, 12.8 % are more than likely to be HIV positive and don't know they are infected.

Responsively, we're starting to see the bright side in the form of companies such as Mately that are pushing dating sites and apps into partnering up. Apparently, if you're bold enough to share the results of your STD tests, there is a way to do so. 

The Mately app allows users to share information about their STD tests digitally. After you've used Mately's personal do-it-yourself kit in the privacy of your home, send the sample to the Mately lab for analysis. You will be notified privately online of the results.

Getting tested doesn't have to be intimidating and time-consuming with an at home testing kit. You don't have to go to a clinic or make a doctor's appointment. 

Before that first date you could know if he or she has a clean bill of health.

  • Simply mail your sample to the Mately lab for the most advanced Early-Detection FDA-approved tests; you'll receive your results online. You take it from there with control over what you share with whomever.  A successful test allows you to place the Mately member badge on your dating site profiles or show it privately when asked. (It sure beats producing a slip from your local clinic with your happy results.)

Didi Lorillard researches etiquette at Didi's Manners.


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