Mum’s the Word: The Secret to Overcoming Single Mom Stereotypes

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Friday, September 18, 2015

Briauna Skye McKizzie, GoLocalPDX Contributor

In the last four years of single parenting, I’ve heard plenty of negative ideas and stereotypes about single moms. 

From oh-so-clever memes, to casual, thoughtless comments from co-workers, I’ve heard that single mothers are desperate, irresponsible, and essentially damaged goods. 

Even presidential candidate, Jeb Bush, had sentiments to share regarding single mothers and their offspring. Imploring that society return to the practice of shaming single mothers, Bush stated single motherhood “limits the possibilities of young people being able to live lives of purpose and meaning.”

Many might look at memes or hear political rants and feel hurt or discouraged.  

Some of us single mothers might bend over backwards trying to prove that our children are just as happy and taken care of as children from traditional family homes.

In fact, I used to be that somewhat paranoid single mother, and I’d do everything that I possibly could to hide any weakness that I had. 

After doing that for a few years, though, I give up. 

While I don’t agree with the memes or quotes above, I also don’t agree with the contrary viewpoint that single mothers are somehow stronger or fiercer than traditional mothers. 

Not every single mother is Erin Brockovich. Then again, not every single mother is Casey Anthony either.

In fact, single mothers are just like married mothers. 

We aren’t totally pathetic, and we aren’t war heroes either.

There are children of single mothers who end up making terrible choices, and there are children of married mothers who make terrible choices. Is it just me, or is the common denominator children?

While I’ll be the first to state that I’m a hardworking, responsible, fairly down-to-earth woman…there may have been a couple days last week where I cried softly to myself while eating mint chocolate ice cream and drinking wine for dinner. 

I’m a human being, and life’s difficulties sometimes turn me into an SNL parody about the mothers of Orange County. The more I accept my humanity, though, the more I stop caring about whether or not Bush’s predictions about my daughter’s life are true. 

In the end, the secret to overcoming stereotypes is not to think that you are an invincible woman of the Amazon. The secret is to simply realize that your mission in life is not to change the opinions around you. 

Your mission is to simply keep your kid(s) alive and not get too many ice-cream stains on your favorite shirt. After all, we live in a world where even Jennifer Lawrence and Matt Damon receive criticism. 

So let’s just be the best we can be and let the silly memes and politicians prosper.  

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