Mum’s the Word: Tinder for the Tethered
Friday, March 20, 2015
We were sitting there enjoying the sun when a middle-aged man carrying a guitar walked up.
I prayed that his filling-ridden smile was for some lucky soul behind me, but my hopes were dashed the moment he plopped down next me. Almost immediately, he launched into his “dating resume”: He worked out “regularly,” had a job, and was ready to settle down.
He expressed his desires to find a “little lady who maybe already had a kid or two.” He hoped this person would be happy to live with him…in an underground home that he had built with his own hands on a plot of land in East Oregon. Can you believe it, his very own hands? Even better, the “home” would come fully stocked with enough canned goods to last several years.
As I thought about asking him why we would need so many cans of food, I suddenly remembered I had something cooking on the stove at home. I scooped Lia up and walked/jogged back to my car. Later that night, I took a vow of singleness.
Two years later, though, I was ready to change my single status. But how does a single mom with two jobs meet that special someone?
Wondering this, I decided to download the infamous app, Tinder.
Initially, I had no idea what to do or expect. Since beginning this strange venture, though, I have a learned a few things about “tindering” while being a single mother.
See Slideshow Below.
Related Slideshow: Tinder for the Tethered
1. Don’t hide yo kids.
While it might work out to keep your home life private during the first stages of getting to know someone, chances are the fact that you’re somewhat “tethered” to a special little someone will be something they will want to know up front. Also, do you really want to be the woman who has a Pull-up fall out of your purse at dinner? You can explain that it’s not yours all you want, but trust me the night will still end on a weird note.
2.Meet half way.
No, this isn’t an overused metaphor from couple’s therapy. I mean literally make the guy you’re dating meet you half way. If a guy asks you to come all the way to his neighborhood for a date, chances are he is probably extremely inconsiderate or worse…. a Portland bicyclist/hipster.
As a single mom, I sometimes feel like an oddball in the dating world. I feel like people either think that I’m really desperate or that I’m a fertile wild thing that they need to stay away from. Sometimes, that makes me act a little weird. The truth is, single moms are not Gollums, Cyclops women, or any other fearful creature. Most of us are just regular, smart, capable women who want to have fun and maybe find a nice guy who isn’t a serial killer. So don’t be afraid that you’re undesirable and don’t overcompensate by making yourself seem like you don’t have weaknesses. Trust me, if you act weird, the guy will have you out the door sooner than you can say, “But I have the sitter for another hour!”
I don’t mean this in a “lady of the night” kind of way, but I do mean that you should enjoy your time meeting new people. I’ve come to the shocking conclusion that I probably will not find my “Mr. Darcy” on Tinder, but that doesn’t mean I can’t use it as a way to meet fun, interesting people (in public environments) for some dinner. So have a little fun while swiping right and left (but mostly swiping left). After all, no matter what happens at the end of the night, remember that you still have the love of your life sleeping, kicking or screaming close beside you. And it’s that little heartbeat that really matters.
- Mum’s the Word: 4 Ways to Stay Youthful While Parenting
- Mum’s the Word: 5 Secrets for Surviving Toddler Tantrums
- Mum’s the Word: Four Ways to Say Goodbye to the “Supermom”