Mum’s the World: Parenting at Your Wit’s End

Friday, July 24, 2015

Briauna Skye McKizzie, GoLocalPDX Contributor

There are moments in every parent’s life when they are made all too aware of the fact that they are parenting an imperfect child. Photo Credit: IMDB (Image Cropped)

Although I recently wrote about dealing with the struggles of being an imperfect parent, there are moments in every parent’s life when they are made all too aware of the fact that they are parenting an imperfect child.

My daughter, Lia, has developed several creative ways of either disobeying or simply being naughty.

Last weekend, I smiled as I watched Lia twirling in the living room while she sang a song. Since I wasn’t familiar with the song, I put down the book I was reading to listen closely to the words.

“I want to punch Mommy in the face.”

Ah yes, the anthem of childhood.

Of course, I immediately told Lia to stop singing the song. What do you think my sweet daughter did? She changed the tune and kept the lyrics saying, “Do you like it now? I changed the way it sounds, Mommy!”

I suppose I should be glad that it’s possible I may have given birth to a burgeoning, Top 40’s musician. However, I was definitely flabbergasted wondering if I had somehow allowed Lia to watch something that she shouldn’t have. Or maybe I’d taken her to an underground boxing match in my sleep.

Yet children, shockingly enough, have minds of their own. Despite our best efforts, they seem to operate under what seems to be the mantra of Miley Cyrus, “Think of it. Do it.”

TIME recently covered a story that occurred last week in Portland, Maine. According to TIME, a family of three was vacationing in Portland and popped inside a diner for pancakes. Due to the wait time and because he was a toddler, the child of the parents apparently caused a disruption. The disruption led to the owner of the diner allegedly yelling in the child’s face to “shut the hell up,” according to the mother’s public response.

TIME handled the subject well by acknowledging the fact that we can’t always blame the unwanted behavior of children on the famous disease of “bad parenting.”

In fact, the writer of the piece, Belinda Luscombe, concludes, “So apart from segregating all parents away from non-parents in any enclosed environment, there’s nothing to do but cut each other a little slack… As for the kid, he or she is probably no worse for wear. Unless it was really scary, toddlers don’t have much of a memory. They’re a bit like social media that way.”

Despite the story being about a relatively commonplace event in the life of a parent, it was comforting to me that the author of the piece implored readers to have compassion instead of judgment for the parents of “naughty” children.

I remember another time when Lia’s shenanigans took place in public at a local grocery store. I told her that I wouldn’t buy her a pair of Frozen sunglasses that had caught her eye. I expected for her to be disappointed, but I did not expect the resulting tantrum that was significantly more terrifying than a scene from the Exorcist.

I carried my kicking and screaming child outside. As we sat on the sidewalk, I watched young couples hurriedly pass by, avoiding eye contact with me. Seconds later, more rude and more audacious strangers passed by and literally shook their heads.

All the while, Lia was still wailing, and I crumbled on the inside feeling ashamed that I couldn’t get my daughter to stop crying. Suddenly, a woman in her fifties walked up and said, “I had one just like that. And guess what, she starts college this fall. Your daughter’s going to be just fine.”

Of course, a stranger’s words of kindness didn’t immediately end the twenty-minute tantrum, but it did give me the strength to get through the experience with patience.

This week, I don’t have a lot of advice for parents who like me, find themselves at their wit’s end. Though I do have this one reminder: Don’t focus on the critical looks or words of others who either have never had kids before or may have just forgotten what it was like to have kids. Instead, lock eyes with the one compassionate stranger who passes your way.

Related Slideshow: 5 Secrets for Surviving Toddler Tantrums

Here are five secrets that I have found help with dealing with toddler tantrums.

Prev Next

1. Don’t Get Upset

Since absolutely nothing productive ever gets done when two people are upset, take a deep breath when you feel yourself start to morph into the Hulk. Step away until you calm down and are ready to deal with the situation like…an adult.

Prev Next

2. Don’t Give In

I know it’s hard when ten minutes have passed, and this child of the corn is STILL crying. But please, for the love of God, stick to your initial instinct and don’t give your child the meat cleaver that he is crying for. Serious side note: When we give in to what our kids are screaming for, it proves that having tantrums is an effective way “to get what you want.”

Prev Next

3. Block Out the People Around You

If you’re in public, and at some point your child will have a tantrum in public, block out the people around you. Sure, they might be judging you and writing a Facebook status about how parents need to learn to handle their damn kids when they’re shopping. But who cares, what matters most is that you stay focused on your child and don’t stress yourself out further by worrying about what strangers, who you will never see again, thinks about you and your parenting skills.

Prev Next

4. Walk Away

A lot of times, children stop “acting out” when their target audience is no longer available. Unless, of course, you're still in public. You should probably stay by the child in that case.

Prev Next

5. Tell Them You Love Them

This doesn’t work 100% of the time, but it doesn’t hurt to remind your child that no matter how they behave, you will always be there for them, loving them. This might actually get your child to stop fighting you, or it might simply just be a good reminder for yourself. Either way, sometimes saying “I love you” is the best response we can offer.