The Scarlet Letters: Lube 101

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

GoLocalPDX Love & Sex Advice Team, 'The Scarlets'

A Dry, Cool Place

This week, we respond to one reader whose vagina isn’t cooperating with her anymore. Have questions or rants? Write us at [email protected].

Dear Scarlets,

I have an embarrassing and scary problem. I think I’m drying up! Sexually, I mean. When I get excited I don’t get wet anymore! Not all the time, anyway.

Isn’t this an older lady problem? I’m only 42! As far as I know I’m not even close to being perimenopausal, and my boobs are still perky. I’m not done with sex!

How do I explain myself in bed? Saying It’s not you it’s me doesn’t seem like enough. Also, just thinking about that conversation makes me feel old! Why don’t I just yell "I’m a crone! You don’t want to f--- me!" and be done with it?!

This sucks! Why is this happening? What should I do?

Love,

Desert in My Pants!

Dear DiMPles,

Please take a deep breath and stop with the exclamation points. Your f---ing days are not over and your perky boobs will not go to waste. Not on our watch, anyway.

Here’s the tough truth (and hang in there because the sentence will be over in no time): Vaginal dryness, or atrophic vaginitis, occurs in up to 60% of women 40-55 due to reduced estrogen levels. (See? That wasn't so bad!)

Other culprits:

Hormonal changes from pregnancy and breastfeeding
Removal of or damage to the ovaries, immune disorders, and anti-estrogen medications
Allergy and cold meds containing decongestants (They decrease the moisture in many parts of your body, including your tender bits)
Alcohol and cigarette smoking (dehydration of any sort will dry your panties)

Last of all, douching can do it – so please don’t. It disturbs your natural pH, which can lead to vaginitis, which can lead to dryness.

So now you know why. What you should do about it is explore the world of lube.

You can talk to your doctor about using a prescribed topical estrogen preparation for intercourse (which sounds very clinical), or you can go to a sexy store and get something made for doin’ it.

Choosing a personal lubricant is a very personal decision. Shop around, talk to the pros at sex shops, and take advantage of sample sizes to give products a try before investing in the big bottle.

We’d love to get into all the particulars, but She Bop has already done a fantastic job of it. Read Lube 101 on their web site. We’ll cover a few highlights here.

· Water-based lubes are compatible with latex (so they’re good to use with condoms) and all sex toys, but they’re not good in water because they wash away quickly.

· If you’re getting busy in the bath and/or using silicone toys, oil-based lubes are your friend. However, oils – even natural oils like coconut – can disrupt the natural pH of a vagina.

· Lubes with a silicone base are good in water, very smooth, and compatible with latex. They don’t wash off easily – a lot of soap is required. NOT for use with silicone toys as they can bond to the surface, making it feel gummy. They can also stain fabric.

· Avoid parabens. Research suggests a connection between this synthetic preservative and breast cancer.

· Avoid propylene glycol if you are prone to yeast infections.

· L-arginine may cause outbreaks in people with genital herpes.

· Menthol, peppermint, and cinnamon add sensation but some people find them irritating. Start with a little on a small area.

· Lubes can taste bad, feel weirdly slick in your mouth, and make your tongue numb. Keep this in mind when deciding the order of your activities.

Introduce lube to a partner the way you would a new toy, fantasy, or pair of crotchless panties: as something that adds to your pleasure and makes you feel lustier. Anything that makes sex better will most likely be met with approval.

Lube is a great sex accessory. It can be a fun, low impact, inexpensive, and non-threatening way to change things up in bed. You don’t need to “need” it to love it, and you don’t need to “explain” yourself -- unless you want to, in which case we’re in favor. Laying out the facts about vaginas and their irrigation systems could open a good conversation.

One last thing: according to the Mayo Clinic web site, “Having intercourse regularly also may help promote better vaginal lubrication.” As if you needed a reason.

We hope you get all the sand out of your pants.

Big juicy love,

The Scarlets