The 54-Year-Old Apology
Monday, September 08, 2014
Photo credit: Dave Keeshan on Flickr. CC license. (Image cropped)
I happen to have been one of those kids living in the housing projects of Columbia Villa nestled between Columbia Park and Pier Park. A daily summertime diet of baseball, soccer, picking strawberries and hanging out at Columbia Boys Club was the norm for many of us.
Countless hours building character and friendly competitive spirit helped shape many of us young urban youth that realized that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Just like many of us have a favorite teacher from elementary or high school, the same applied at Columbia Boys Club. Our friend, mentor, second father and the executive director was a tall, strapping guy named Ken Thompson. As school was dismissed we would rush over to the Boys Club to do our homework and then spend evenings and weekends playing our favorite sport.
Table soccer champion
For some it was ping pong, others was boxing, chess or a round of checkers or dominos to sharpen our mathematical skills. My favorite was table soccer where I was proudly the undisputed champion for several seasons. Nobody seemed to get past the quick hand-eye coordination that my brother and I brought to the table for each challenging game. We were kids and it was all in fun, and so that we could walk home at night with bragging rights, having whooped somebody's butt.
On one of those encounters I met up with a young kid named Kenneth Vandermarr who wanted to “take on the champ”. We battled it out - best two out of three, then three out of five, then seven out of ten. Ken was determined to get that smirk off my skinny little brown skin face.
But when the dust cleared, I was still the undisputed champion of the Boy Club table soccer.
Fifty years on
Fast forward over 50 years later. I was attending an alumni reunion for Ken Thompson at Columbia Park. Thompson, now 81 years young was the guest of honor as nearly 100 of his “former kids” and their families showed up to say thank you. In the crowd was Vandermarr, the young kid who had challenged me for my honorary championship all those years ago. We’ve both put on a few pounds and even more wrinkles over the years, but he was still recognizable. He grabbed my arm and pulled me aside and said “I owe you an apology”.
I thought he had the wrong person and proceeded to try and correct him since I did not have the slightest idea what he was referring do. Vandermarr, now in his early 60’s went on to tell me something that made me step back a bit.
“Back in the day, we were playing table soccer and you were so good, you beat me quite a few times. Even to the point that I was so mad, I threw a racial slur at you and called you “that word”. For over 50 years it has bothered me and I told myself that if I ever ran across you, I was going to apologize for my behaviorm,” he said.
For over 50 years, Vandermarr had been living with the guilt of making a single racial slur to a childhood friend. “I was not raised that way. My parents gave me values and I need to respect everyone”.
Community and personal values
Vandermarr's statement of apology, although it was surprising, was certainly appreciated.
Today, in the city that I grew up in, there are many others being raised with community and personal values. And I'm not saying that one apology is going to change an entire neighborhood or generation, but it's something for all of us to think about. Who do we owe an apology to?
Now that we have opened up the door, I want to apologize to Freddie Madigan (where ever he may be) for switching Converse gym shoes on him and laughing as he walked home with me because the shoes were two sizes larger than feet.
Today, Ken Vandermarr is an accomplished musician, and a person to embody the spirit of Martin Luther King and others who understand that regardless of what area of town that you live in, your educational background or heritage, we are all living within one nation under God.
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