Welcome! Login | Register
 

The Strategies to Win the White House in 2020 – The Sunday Political Brunch March 24, 2019—The Strategies to Win the White House in…

2019 NFL Free Agency – Checking In On The Seattle Seahawks—2019 NFL Free Agency – Checking In On…

VIDEO: Mueller Report Delivered to United States Attorney General Barr UPDATED—VIDEO: Mueller Report Delivered to United States Attorney…

2019 NCAA Tournament – How To Set Your March Madness Bracket Around Pac-12 Teams—2019 NCAA Tournament – How To Set Your…

March Madness 2019 – Can The Oregon Ducks Get Back To The Elite Eight?—March Madness 2019 – Can The Oregon Ducks…

I Have 3 Months To Train For The Wild Rogue Relay—I Have 3 Months To Train For The…

20 Ways To Increase Circulation—20 Ways To Increase Circulation

Trail Blazers Weekly Preview – Sabonis 2.0, Dirk’s Rip City Swan Song, Blake Of House Piston Invades—Trail Blazers Weekly Preview – Sabonis 2.0, Dirk’s…

VIDEO: ‘Surf Rock’ Creator Dick Dale Dead at 81—VIDEO: 'Surf Rock' Creator Dick Dale Dead at…

The Presidential Primary Parade Marches On - Sunday Political Brunch March 17, 2019—The Presidential Primary Parade Marches On - Sunday…

 
 

A Married Man’s Guide to Fantasy Football

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

 

Summer is coming to a close, NFL preseason is in full-swing and Fantasy Football season is officially upon us. While groups of friends gather around beers, wings, laptops, and draft guides, there is no denying that one of America’s favorite pass-times is finally here. It really doesn’t matter if you won your league last year or picked Adrian Pederson in the 1st round, only to find yourself in dead last of your office league, at this point in the season there is hope for everyone. 

Last year there was an estimated 56.8 million people playing Fantasy Football, a large part of that demographic was male, and the majority of those males were married. That means that there are millions and millions of wives whose husbands are about to be deeply entrenched in the world of 12-team leagues, multi-team trades and waiver wire watching. 
There are some women who play Fantasy Football with their husbands, some women that are supportive of their husbands playing fantasy football, and then there are the majority of women who don’t understand or care about Fantasy Football. 

If your wife fits into that last category (as does mine) check out tips from my Married Man’s Guide to Fantasy Football. 

Pay the Wife Commission – I remember the first time that I sat at a Pai Gow table in Las Vegas. I was super excited. Even though I looked like a 14-year-old high schooler, I proudly showed my I.D. that showed that I was 23. The first two hands were both pushes, the third hand I won. I was only betting $10 a hand to warm up. When I won that bet the dealer slid me $10 worth of chips in smaller denominations and then the dealer waited for her commission. I had never been taught that you had to pay 5 percent even when you won ….
The same goes for Fantasy Football! 

Remember the old adage, “Happy wife, happy life.” That will serve you well over the course of the season. By paying the wife commission, you are doing your part in ensuring that your wife stays happy. 
So what is the wife commission? Just like I found out in Vegas. 5 percent. And this should go for time and money. 

Let’s say at the end of the season that you win your league and bring home a moderate prize of $100 … At least $5 of those winnings should go towards some flowers on your way home. 

The same thing goes for time. How much time do you spend tinkering with your lineup? How many hours per week are you camped in front of the biggest TV in the house watching football? How long do you spend talking trash on the message boards of watching the waiver wire? Add all that time up and make sure you spend at least 5 percent of that time doing something nice for the wife. 

Don’t Try to Teach Your Wife – If your wife doesn’t already play Fantasy Football, chances are she never will. Save yourself the breath and save her time and try not to teach her about how to spot sleepers late in the draft, the flex dilemma that you have going on, or how many points you need to make up in the Monday night game to win your matchup. If she doesn’t care, she doesn’t care. And guys, that may not be a bad thing.Let’s say that all of a sudden your wife does care. You teach her everything you know. Next year she asks if she can join one of your four leagues. She lucks into a few good draft picks and then she beats you in week 14 to kill your playoff chances. You will NEVER live that down. Don’t bore your wife with the details of Fantasy Football and just thank your lucky stars she isn’t getting ready to crush your team on Sunday. 

What Happens on the Message Board… – Fantasy Football is one of the only times in life that it is not only accepted, but encouraged, to cyber bully a group of other adults. 
The message board trash talk needs to stay on the message boards.

Riddled with inside jokes, puns and profanity, message boards operate at a different level than most other things in life. Fantasy Football players realize that and willingly participate in it. Anyone outside of Fantasy Football just wouldn’t understand.

Your wife may really like your friends. Those opinions can rapidly change with one story about a message board post. For the sake of your friendship, keep the message boards and trash talk private. 

Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, sometimes Saturday – Remember that Thursday night there is usually a meaningless NFL game on, but it always seems you have one player on your Fantasy team playing Thursday night so you have to watch the uneventful 14-10 game. Then obviously all day Sunday, you have to flip back and forth between games. Then Monday after work, you rush home to catch Monday night football and see how your team fared for the week.

Having those three days dedicated to football is almost non-negotiable to a Fantasy Football player. Then you throw in the fact that Saturday is filled with intriguing college football games and by then, you already have 4 days full of football.

This makes the other days of the week that much more important. Take your wife out to eat. Maybe even catch a movie (other than The Blind Side or Remember the Titans). Help around the house, or with the kids. Put in the time these few days to earn you the equity to be able to give your team the requisite time on football days. 

From one married man to another, have fun this season, I hope you win your league, but more importantly, good luck with your wife. Marriage is (hopefully) a lot longer than a 16-week Fantasy Football season, so just remember your priorities. Follow these few points of advice and things should go a bit more smoothly than it has in years past.

GoLocalPDX partner Oregon Sports News: Since 2011, Oregon Sports News has provided entertaining, hard-hitting local sports news & commentary every weekday. To read more from this author, check out Oregon Sports News by clicking here.

 

Related Slideshow: 12 of the Greatest Sports Movies of All Time

Hank Stern ranks his top twelve favorite sports films. 

Prev Next

#12 Rollerball

Some of the non-athletic scenes in this dystopian classic show their age, but Rollerball is a strangely prescient film that anticipated both the corporatization of sport and fans’ limitless taste for violence. Bonus points for the ominous intro music.

Prev Next

#11 A League of Their Own

A comedy that looks back to the antithesis of corporate sport – a women’s baseball league during World War II with many memorable lines to choose from (e.g.,”There’s no crying in baseball.”)

Prev Next

#10 Remember The Titans

Yes, filmmakers took liberties with some of the facts dealing with the integration of a high school football team in Virginia. But there’s a reason football teams often screen this film on the eve of big games. It’s a damn inspirational tale.

Prev Next

#9 The Natural

This film has grown on me over time. Originally, it seemed slow and schmaltzy. Now, it seems well-paced and charming. Then and now, the re-created scenes of pre-World War II ballparks arrive like perfectly preserved postcards from the past.  

Prev Next

#8 The Longest Yard

Not the remake with Adam Sandler and Chris Rock. But the hilarious original with Burt Reynolds and Eddie Albert as a wonderfully villainous warden who pits the guards against the inmates in a grudge football game that includes former Green Bay linebacker Ray Nitschke and other ex-football players like Sonny Sixkiller and Joe Kapp, both stalwart Pac-8 quarterbacks long, long ago.  

Prev Next

#7 Slap Shot

The Hanson brothers. Enough said.

Prev Next

#6 Rocky

Often imitated, but never replicated. The definitive underdog boxing story featuring Sylvester Stallone before he became a self-caricature in multiple sequels. Impossible to hear the theme song without being motivated to get off the couch.

Prev Next

#5 Seabiscuit

A fantastic book as well as a great movie. Like “The Natural,” Seabiscuit captures its Depression-era setting for modern-day viewers taken back to an era when horse racing actually meant something in America. 

Prev Next

#4 Requiem for a Heavywei

A too often-forgotten film these days but a wonderful boxing drama that shows the sport’s underside with memorable  performances by Mickey Rooney, Jackie Gleason and Anthony Quinn.

Prev Next

#3 Hoosiers

Want to know something about small-town America in the 1950s and about Indiana basketball? This hoops movie does all of that with a healthy dose of redemption throughout. 

Prev Next

#2 Bull Durham

There’s a pretty good case to be made this movie played a huge part in the rebirth and re-marketing of minor league baseball. As written by former minor leaguer Ron Shelton, there are many great scenes to choose from but this one is a favorite. 

Prev Next

#1 Raging Bull

A rags-to-riches-to-rags story of boxer Jake LaMotta meets the actor born to play him, Robert De Niro. Not a false moment in this black-and-white powerhouse.

 
 

Related Articles

 

Enjoy this post? Share it with others.

 

X

Stay Connected — Free
Daily Email