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10 Reasons it Stinks to be a Straight Single Woman in Portland

Sunday, September 14, 2014

 

Photo credit: Pedro Ribeiro Simões on Flickr. Creative Commons licence. Image cropped.

Portand: You’re a wonderful city, full of hipsterish, handsome men. You’ve got a great nightlife, a fantastic cultural offering, and a million awesome places for a date.

But finding a boyfriend in this town is harder than finding a brunch venue without a line. 

Sure, if you're a single woman and happy to remain so, this city is probably as good as it gets. But if you're hoping to become un-single at any future stage, you've got a problem in PDX.

Below are our 10 reasons why it stinks to be a single straight woman in Portland. 

(Coming soon: Ten reasons why Portland's not so hot if you're a straight single man either . . . )

Home Page Photo Credit: geishaboy500 via Compfight cc

 

Related Slideshow: Slideshow: Ten Reasons Why it Stinksto be a Straight Single Woman in Portland

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10. They're gay

There’s no shortage of men here, right? I mean, anyone walking the city streets can see an abundance of happy gentlemen who are easy on the eye and with a smile.

Here’s the problem: they’re gorgeous. They’re gleaming. They’re gay.

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9. Facial hair

Moustaches, goatees, mutton chops sideburns that meet at your mouth, facial squirrels and bushy beards are all very well and good, but we have two words for you: beard rash.

Not. Pretty.

Photo Credit: Rajarshi Mitra on Flickr

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8. No deodorant

Deodorant here is a bad word – up there with non-organic and Cover Oregon. It brings a whole new – er, odor – to intimate moments.

Photo Credit: Endlisnis via Compfight CC BY 2.0

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7. Only has a bike

It’s likely if you get a date in this town and he picks you up for it, he’ll be on his bike. If you’re lucky, he’ll at least be clothed (check the calendar to make sure it’s not Naked Bike Ride day). You’d best have your biking shorts on under that skirt.

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6. Won't pay for dinner

Any old-school gals looking for their Mr. Big to drop the dough after dinner will be disappointed. Portlanders are liberal and feminist so your dinner date is as likely to have the same expectations of you. In fact, chances are he’ll be worried that he’s more likely to offend you by offering. Be prepared to shell out.

Photo Credit: Jorge Royan under a CC-BY-SA-3.0

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5. Laid back

You've heard about how laid back Portlanders are, right? Well the men here are no exception. So relaxed and laid back that it's hard to motivate them to make the first move - or any move at all. 

Photo credit: Andrés Nieto Porras on Flickr. CC license. (Image cropped). 

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4. No job

If you’ve found the only straight single man in town, chances are he doesn’t have a job. He’s in a band, or he’s building a house one brick at a time, or he’s trying to figure out how to make a sustainable organic hand craft business that mostly involves hanging out in coffee shops and bars. 

Photo Credit: Ramsay MacDonland, from the Public Domain

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3. Profile let down

Judging by his Tinder profile picture, he's like a young Ryan Gosling. In real life, less gosling, more ugly duckling. 

Photo credit: Gordon Correll on Flickr. CC license. (Image cropped). 

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2. Exes at yoga

This is a small town so if you do find a man, at some stage or other you’re going to run up against his past. Or multiple pasts. That woman setting her mat up behind you in your yoga class is probably his ex. Ready for some downward dog now?

Photo Credit: Ace Images no name to credit on the site.

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1. He's a clown

Somebody warned you that Portland men are clowns, right? And you didn’t take it seriously. But look – that guy you eyed up in that bar last night?  He rode home on a unicycle. And he juggles.

From Juggalos to gutter punk 'circus artists,' men in Portland can LITERALLY be clowns. 

Photo credit: BJ the Clown

 
 

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