12

“Do you have any food avoidances?”

Yes, we are a sensitive, particular, discerning and highly allergic people. Vegetarian, pescatarian, vegan, we don’t want GMOs, MSG, or HFT (high fructose corn syrup). There can be no artificial flavors or additives in our cage-free, free range or free run chicken and fresh, wild, line-caught salmon. PS: we can’t eat salt, gluten, dairy, yeast or anything with nuts or legumes in it.

It’s a miracle we eat anything at all.

11

"Thank God It’s Raining"

Yes, it rains a lot here and we like it that way. Get used to it. 

10

"Which high school did you go to?"

We like to size people us based on where they went to high school. We can basically tell everything about someone judged solely on whether they went to Grant, Lincoln or Jesuit. And there are no bad high schools in Portland when it comes to the alumni. School pride is central to being a true Portlander.

9

"Actually, I don’t own a car or a TV."

We just ride our bikes and watch Netflix huddled around our laptops.

8

"So, how do you spend your time?"

We basically want to know if you have a real job.  Maybe you are embarassed that you work as a telemarketer, but are really into cosplay, or happen to spend a lot of time as an unaccredited expert on the Spanish Civil War. We don’t want you to feel labeled by your job. Many of us define ourselves by our hobbies. 

7

"That’s really far, it’s like a 20 minute drive."

If you live far away from us, like more than five miles, we just aren’t going to see you. OK? Our sense of distance is calibrated to 10-minute drives, 30-minute bike rides or 2 hours on a bus. If we have to drive more than 20 minutes, we better be headed to the wilderness.

6

"Really? What kind of artist are you?"

We’re all artists here. You can tell us.

5

“Yeah, I’ll totally be there.”

This often means we'll totally NOT be there. It’s not that we are flaky, but we just don’t like to say no to people to their faces. It would seem so mean to say that we don’t want to go to your show, or art opening, or help you move. Making up an excuse would be too much work. So, you'll figure it out soon enough.

4

"Fluoride calcifies your pineal gland."

Yeah, we don’t know what that means either. But we do know that there’s no fluoride in the water, so our glands must be in great shape.

Photo Credit: Eaaumi, WikiMedia CC

3

"Rain followed by showers."

It's not splitting hairs, OK? There is totally a difference. In fact, our wonderful Northwest precipitation comes in very subtly different styles. 

2

"…It’s the California People."

No matter what is wrong in Portland or Oregon, you can be pretty sure someone from California is actually at fault.

1

"No, I’m not Amish. It’s a Parson’s Hat"

We have our own style in Portland: kilts, corsets, top hats. You name it, we’ll wear it. So whether it’s something vaguely Victorian or something slightly lumberjackish, whatever we have on, we're totally comfortable in it.