Ask A Bartender: How Do I Make A Margarita In The Wilderness?

Saturday, May 23, 2015

Kai Soderberg, GoLocalPDX Contributor

Tastes even better from a tin cup.

Camping is not about roughing it or self-imposed misery. If you think it is, you’re doing it wrong. We love camping because it celebrates improvisation. Improvisation in an unskilled mind can lead to roughing it and self-imposed misery. No wonder camping for fun is a decidedly American thing (or at least of American origin). It’s a proper way to pay homage to our pioneering ancestors who improvised out of the beautiful, vast North American wilderness one of the most interesting places on Earth.

Nor does camping have to be a character building experience. You can do it as hedonistically as everything else if you have the right tools and you know what you’re doing. There is absolutely nothing wrong with cheap warm beer and hot dogs but if you want to up your comfort, invest in things like Coleman stoves (the kind with two burners), coolers, tarps, rope and books that explain how to use them. This column is a little short for all that, and it happens to be beyond my expertise, but as far as cocktails are concerned, I know from personal experience that it’s quite easy to enjoy a good libation in the woods. All it takes is a bit of foresight.

Think about what drink you want to make. Limit yourself to two or three kinds of drinks. You don’t have to please everybody. The hero is the one with foresight enough to bring booze along in the first place. Think about what drink would go well with whatever food you’re having. Think about how many ingredients you want to take with you. You can make a Ramos Gin Fizz out in the woods if you really want to. And if you want to that bad, you should. There is nothing more disappointing in life than having a great idea and being too lazy, scared or stupid to see it through to fruition. But because I don’t think it’s a great idea to make a Ramos Gin Fizz out in the woods (too many ingredients and too much ice), I’ll concentrate on simpler cocktails and most notably the Mother of summer cocktails: the margarita.

A proper margarita, already one of the best things about being alive, is made even better when camping. It goes with a hotdog, a steak, lobster, ceviche, cheese and crackers, a bag of chips or nothing at all. You can pre-batch the tequila and orange liqueur if you want to minimize packing and you probably will because having a bunch of things to clean up in the morning is a drag (and if you leave your trash in a campsite or in the wilderness, there is no way around it: you are an awful human being). Put two parts tequila and one part triple sec in a bottle -or Mason jar if you really want to feel rustic. Seal it up. Bring limes and kosher salt. Don’t worry about fancy glasses. You can buy plastic margarita glasses at REI and other camping stores but when your camping, a tin cup or even an empty can of beans as a glass will not only be acceptable, but add to the charm of drinking out in the woods. Don’t buy into the hype. I don’t even own a sleeping bag anymore and am thankful for it whenever I wake up in the woods on a down comforter.

Bring limes and a citrus squeeze (or strong fingers), put in just over one ounce juice from freshly squeezed lime for every three ounces of the pre-batched mix. Put it in a Boston shaker with ice. Shake it up. Put some salt around the rim of the glass (or just a pinch of salt directly into your drink and, boom. Margarita. And a good one too.

Gin and juice is a beautiful morning drink and a great way to get your vitamin C. When out in the woods you can do some fun things to make the drink your own. Here’s one idea. You’ll need chilled grapefruits (one for every drink), a knife, a straw and a bottle of gin- vodka will also do if you want something more neutral but the juniper of the gin goes very naturally with grapefruit. Take the knife and cut a hole in the grapefruit as if you were carving a pumpkin. Keep the lid. Wiggle the knife in the grapefruit creating a loose cavern. Eat the removed flesh but save the juice. Pour in gin. Place lid back on. Shake it up. Take off lid and put in straw.

Coffee and whiskey is a great, simple way to start the morning. You’ll have coffee anyway, so a quick smattering of your favorite brown stuff over the coffee is easy, effective and tasty. If you like things a bit more sweet, get yourself some Irish cream liqueur to add to it.

Any cocktail can be pre-batched. Just remember: If the cocktail comes with juice, milk, egg or anything perishable, keep that separate and add it before making the cocktail.

Remember above all else to be creative. Camping supply stores will sell you pretty much anything, but, especially with car camping, you don’t really need special equipment. Camping is still about self-reliance, function over form and above all improvisation. Having two sets of everything (one for your house and one for the woods) is a good way to collect junk and degrades the hobby of camping to the hobby of collecting camping supplies. So don’t buy into gimmicks (although that, it could be argued, is a decidedly American thing as well), when you can do it proper on the cheap.

Related Slideshow: 6 Hangover Cures from Top Portland Bartenders

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#6

Hair O' the Dog.

Jeff Seymour, Interurban (4057 N Mississippi):

"[W]hen the day after can be wasted ... the only cure is to jump back on the train and deal with my hangover the next day. If it's a weekend, I'll head to Radar for a killer brunch and 2 or 3 mimosas and an Irish coffee for dessert. Then it's time to find all the rosé. It can be still or sparkling, I really don't discriminate. A few bottles later I'm right as rain."

You might be prolonging--and amplifying--the inevitable, but Jeff's words offer a tempting solution to a New Year's Day downer. Along with some savory eats, alcohol's beautiful, empty calories level out our post-binge blood sugar crash. Still, you can run but you can't hide--you'll do well to plan for a more permanent salve.

And remember, the folks serving you on a national holiday might well be feeling the hurt themselves. Whether or not the mimosas are bottomless, your bartender's meager savings are not. So tip well and stay happy!

For your hangover-numbing relief, Interurban opens at 3 pm New Year's Day. The rosé will be flowing.

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#5

Water, Protein, Water. Repeat.

Jordan Felix, Multnomah Whiskey Library (1124 SW Alder):

"My hangover cure often goes in 3 steps:

1) San Pellegrino Sparkling BIG bottle & a Vita Coco coconut water. Both tend not to fail me but if they do, a Campari & soda with no citrus helps immensely.

2) Grab a Steak & Egg sandwich from Meat Cheese Bread on SE 14th & Stark. I don't know how they do it, but this sandwich is a miracle.

3) A litre of water and a Boylan's ginger ale. It's all about hydration!"

Time-honored advice for a reason--alcohol is well-documented to cause dehydration. And, while many pro drinkers swear by greasy carbs the next day, protein--especially the amino acid cysteine--may hold the key to replenishing your sapped reserves.

So drink and eat up, Portlandians, and by that we mean agua and steak. And if you're vegan--well, you can still have a protein shake.

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#4

Burn, Baby, Burn.

Lucas Plant, Barlow (737 SW Salmon):

"My hangover cure is heading to Minizo, in the food carts on Mississippi next to Prost. Try the Shoyu Ramen and ask Ken to go all in--his kimchi and garlic paste will sweat out last night's bad decisions, and get you ready for round two."

Savvy bartender at Barlow and co-founder of Bull in China--Portland's premier craft barware shop and recent darling of the NY Times--Luke knows how to spice things up on either side of an epic night out.

You may want to avoid extreme remedies like habaneros or the infamous ghost chili pepper--not to mention Eeyore plushies and a swift kick in the nuts (Seriously, a pretty decent Youtube vid that gets GREAT around 2:30--a hangover helper in itself).

But fermented foods like kimchi replenish your body's "good" bacteria, and garlic, high in the amino acid cysteine, cleanses your rotting gut of all the debris.

No stranger to herbal digestifs--or professionally perfect timing--Luke added, "Totally forgot. After the ramen, a Fernet seals the deal!" Booze out. Booze in. Repeat.

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#3

Grease the Wheels.

Jesse Leo, Nightlight Lounge (2100 SE Clinton):

"Grease, man. Something that'll make me tired. Gravy! You been to Tabor Tavern? They have a breakfast sandwich called the rev, and it will--it'll blow your mind. Crispy fried chicken, bomb-ass pepper gravy, cheese--it's amaaaazing."

While not exactly supported by science--greasy food can clog up an already-taxed liver, and deliver few of the nutrients your body actually needs--Jesse's folk wisdom resonates with what's become a solidified part of Portland's culinary canon. At the very least, a rich, heavy breakfast will stick to the ribs, putting you--and those sudden flashes of last night's drunk texting--right back to bed.

While Jesse can be found most Saturday nights happily spinning up Nightlight's seasonally-rotating specialty cocktails, you don't have to wait for the cure: Nightlight is offering up a special New Year's Day brunch from noon to 3--moderately priced, adults-only (mmmimosas!), and exceptionally crafted. Sure, there're vegan options, but c'mon. You know you want gravy.

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#2

Potassium! Okay, and Maybe a Shot.

Daniel Osborne, Teardrop Lounge (1015 NW Everett):

"For summertime, Teardrop's Piña Colada is all fresh ingredients. Coconut cream, pineapple juice, pineapple gomme. A very good source of potassium!"

But Ptown's chilly winters call for something slightly more...bold.

"My go-to tequila is Olmeca Altos Blanco. It's a very good source of alcohol!"

As for Piña Coladas, I have to admit, as a former bartender, that no matter where I worked, the blender was somehow always broken...just right now...just for you. It's a safe bet that Daniel and the staff at Teardrop are a tad more hospitable.

In contrast to the Piña Colada's sweet, creamy blanket, tequila is not for the faint-of-heart--nor the faint-of-gag-reflex. But it remains, for the faithful, an unstoppable cure--not, we might argue, just for hangovers, but for modern guilt, deep insecurities, and those graceful good manners your friends thought you had. Proceed with caution, young Jedi.

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#1

The Big O.

"Orgasms! I'm being serious. It creates blood flow and oxygen intake."

This from Beckaly Franks of Clyde Common (1014 SW Stark), whose attractive bar staff and inventive cocktails make for a seductive experience on their own.

While we might not all be so lucky as to have, um, help with this cure, Beckaly's observations are right on point. A recent study of migraine sufferers by German neurologists found that a majority found relief through sex, with many experiencing "moderate to complete" alleviation of the monster headaches.

Men, too, experience increased brain activity during orgasm. One study even suggested the effects are similar to heroin, which makes sense to those who've experienced major post-coital stupor right after the big moment.

Ah, well. Naptime is good for hangovers, too, right?