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slides: Mum’s the Word: A Survival Guide for the Imperfect Parent

Friday, July 10, 2015

 

I gulped reading this and wondered things like, “On a scale of one to Norman Bates' mother, how am I doing?” Photo Credit: IMDB (Image Cropped)

Last week, I had the great opportunity to see the Tony Award winning play “Fun Home,” a play based off of Alison Bechdel’s graphic novel of the same title.

In this non-linear play, the story of the Bechdel family is told through the eyes of three different “Alisons.” Young Alison, College-age Alison, and Middle-Age Alison all struggle to understand the things that took place during childhood. 

Not understanding why her father doesn’t seem to enjoy being a parent, Young Alison sings, “Daddy, listen to me, listen to me…I want to play airplane.”

Even in her forties, Middle-Age Alison still struggles to process the neglect and emotional abuse of her childhood. 

More importantly, though, she yearns to have one last meaningful conversation with her father. 

Watching the play, I was in the curious position where I could completely identify with both the little girl and the little girl’s parents.  

As I identified more and more with the parents, I worried about how my own parenting techniques were affecting my daughter.

The paranoia increased when, after the play, I read this article on how there’s an association between certain parenting styles and the increase of depression in college-aged children.

Since I’m a glutton for punishment, I went on to read an additional article from the APA site that once more brought up the association between certain parenting styles and children with poor mental health or problematic behavior. 

According to the author, certain parenting styles that are either overly permissive or neglectful can result in children who display “irresponsibility, impulsivity, dependency, lack of persistence, unreasonable expectations and demands and dishonesty.”

I gulped reading this and wondered things like, “On a scale of one to Norman Bates' mother, how am I doing?”

I was like a hypochondriac reading WebMD, a hypochondriac who was on the verge of heading to the emergency room for having a self-diagnosed disease cocktail of diphtheria, shin splints, and a previously undiscovered air-born strain of hepatitis. 

However, my fears and anxiety began to subside as I actually read through the entirety of the articles I was reading and began to reflect on my own childhood.

I realized that the fact that I was worrying about how I affected my daughter was actually a step in the right direction.

I am certainly not a perfect parent, and I admit that I sometimes let my own childhood or my own frustrations with my status in life affect the way I parent.

Despite this, though, I am an undaunted parent who is willing to work hard to be a better parent each morning I wake up. So if you’re in the same boat (if you’re not a robot then you probably are), here is a brief survival guide for imperfect parents everywhere.  

See Slideshow Below

 

Related Slideshow: Mum’s the Word: A Survival Guide for the Imperfect Parent

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1. Admit when you’re in the wrong. 

Admitting you’re wrong in any circumstance is a pretty hard task. It’s especially hard admitting you were wrong to a child or to people watching you raise your child. Sometimes, though, in order to get better at something you have to admit you’re wrong in order to stop and fix it.  

Even still, just because you’ve made a mistake during your parenting journey, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. 

It really just means you’re a parent. 

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2. Take some time. 

As much as parents may want to use their paid time off for vacations or “treat yourself” days, it’s important to take time off just to stay at home with your kid. Kids appreciate the big gestures like trips to water parks or a new video game, but what they really need and want is simple, quality time.  Sometimes, they just want to play airplanes with you. 

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3. Keep Trying. 

There have been many times in the last four years of being a parent where I wanted to put in my two-week's notice.  Parenting is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I often feel like I lied on my application when I was given this job.  

    After reflecting on my own childhood, though, I know that I appreciate my parents not for being perfect but for being present. So even though I’m not going to win the gold star of parenting every single day, my daughter will be grateful for the fact that I never give up. I will always choose to clock in for her and try another day. 

Photo Credit: IMDB (Image Cropped)

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4. Let your own wounds heal. 

As in the story, “Fun Home”, the wounds of our own childhoods affect the way we parent our children. With that in mind, it’s important to allow yourself to forgive whatever happened between you and your parents.

Depending on the depth and gravity of the wound, this is a process that takes longer for some people. That’s okay. 

What’s important is that you allow the process of healing to occur whether it occurs in only several days or the length of several years. 

 
 

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